MUSIC: "Connected" by Ayumi Hamasaki
TIME: 4:40 PM
I am a Korean-American adoptee. I grew up in a small suburban town called Brick, New Jersey, and growing up, going to school, attending friends' birthday parties, being a girl scout, I was either one of the very few or the only minority in the group. I used to sit in front of the television and watch cartoons or listened to music coming from the record player or radio, where my love for the arts began. However, all my life, even when looking at some of my classmates, my family, and even watching my childhood shows, and even sometimes playing with my collection of Barbie dolls, I always felt out of place. I used to wonder where all the people who looked like me were? How come there isn't a single black-haired girl with dark brown almond-shaped eyes on television as the leading lady or a pop singer out there who looks like me (besides Yoko Ono -- as much as I admired her, I used to be disturbed by her voice when I was little)?
I had a couple of Asian Barbie dolls, like Dana from the Barbie and the Rockers line-up, and when I was at my rope's end of not seeing a lot of story books with Asian characters, I started my own about a Japanese girl named Sara. I was the author of those stories and I was also the illustrator to those little story books I wrote. It was really funny, too, because I remember telling my mom about the story and I said somewhere along the lines that Sara was the daughter of the president of Japan. Obviously, when you're like five or six, you don't realize that Japan is a monarchy and doesn't have a president or that English isn't the first langauge over there, either.
Now, looking back at that moment in my childhood now, I did it, because of the lack of Asians in the media. You know when you're a little girl, you want to find a princess or female role model to look up to and say, "Wow, if she can do it, then I can do it, too!" -- you know what I am talking about, right? Growing up, I never had that role model who looked like me, so in a way, I felt robbed from that sense of joy. However, ironically, despite the lack of Asian role models in my life, it never crossed my mind that I couldn't make something out of myself.
In a small way, I am living that city life dream now! There's just one itty-bitty thing that hasn't made a full 180 yet, and that is the Asian role model. Then again, I feel really blessed now, because I am beginning to nurture my career aspirations during a time period where I am getting audition notices through email where they are asking for Asian actors. Now with it being Asian Pacific American Heritage Month, I would go on Twitter, do a tweet, and somewhere, another Asian actor would post an article about the Asian actors before myself who've opened the doors in Hollywood, from Anna May Wong (who has become my role model - finally, my search is over) to Nancy Kwan. And the cool thing about all this, as I learn something new about my career, I find that somewhere at one point in time, there WAS an Asian actor - male or female - who was opening that door for myself and my fellow Asians who are actors.
They were ALWAYS there, but I didn't know they were! Philip Ahn, who happens to be the first Asian actor to recieve a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Miyoshi Umeki, the first (and so far only) Asian actor to receieve an Oscar! And although I am not a huge fan of musicals, I was so amazed and so proud when I first watched Flower Drum Song, because a HUGE percentage of the cast were Asian! For me, personally, seeing these things brings me hope. Not because I am in this for stardom or fame or the glamour - oh, goodness NO! But because finally, after all these years, I can look at these guys and say, "Wow, if they can do it, then I can do it, too!"
I am not sure where this is all going to take me, and as my career moves on, I make little goals for myself instead of big ones. Right now, I am going over scenes with my coach and I'm trying to get the hang of writing a descent cover letter when submitting my headshot and resume. I am also learning to be better at auditioning. I am also no the most professional of the bunch, so I'm learning to do that, too. I've got a looooooong way to go, and I'm beginning to come to the realization that I'm not going to learn everything within a single year. Therefore, I have to be more patient and understand that this is a marathon and not a race. So, my goal, right now at this very moment, is to learn how to better myself in these things. I really don't have any huge goals, because I create them as I go along. I have ideas in my mind, but I can't say they are goals just yet, because first and foremost, I have to work harder with what I am trying to do right now. If I find that I can pull through what I am trying to do now, that is when I create a new objective for myself. That's the joy of being a beginner in this profession! And it really does help having good people who are willing to work with me with these goals on my side as well! :)
However, at the same time, when I look at the articles that talk about the Asian actors of the past and present for this month, it also makes me a little sad, too. Reason being is because despite the fact that I am happy where I am and that I am finding it fun being at the very beginning, I also feel that all of my hopes and dreams are so far away from me. Every once in a while, I am plagued with the fear of what if I don't become better at auditioning and I begin to bomb? What if I sound like a fool when writing these cover letters? What I don't become a better performer? Along with the fear of that, there is also the fear of what if I work my ass off and I get nowhere? What if I'm wasting my time?
Yet that is when I have to stay calm and remind myself that I'm still at the very beginning, and throughout all this, I have to be patient yet seize as many opportunities as I can. To be realistic about this profession I've chosen, I still need to maintain a steady day job to be able to go to the city, go to my coaching sessions, and to network. I need to perk up! I need to work harder, too, or else, YES -- I won't become a better performer. I will bomb my auditions. I will sound like a fool when writing a cover letter. That is when I will realize that I will get nowhere and I will waste my time. I also need to give myself a break now and then, even if I don't want to. It sounds stressful and it sounds crazy, but do I believe it's worth it? Absolutely!
No matter what this profession may bring me, I still stay optimistic! That's another thing my storybook character, Sara, was, too. She was optimistic! She had fun no matter where she went, wherever she was in her life! Even when I wrote the story of her turning into a werewolf, she still had fun while knocking down neighbors' garbage cans in the middle of the night and eventually getting grounded for it! She was unique, and if I were to publish those stories later on in life, she'd stand out from all the other story book heroines in her own way. Sounds quite familiar to a little something having to do with our careers, doesn't it?
Things take time. You need to be patient, but you also need to be assertive. You have to understand so much being in this profession, and whoever is reading this, reguardless of your heritage, if you have the same fears as I do, I hope I can at least shine a little bit of light for you. I hope after you're done reading this, you can at least say, "Wow, if she can do it, then I can do it, too!"
I guess if I stay in this frame of mind, maybe someday...I will no longer feel my hopes and dreams are far so far away. Maybe next year, I will feel closer to those dreams of mine whenever they talk about Anna May Wong or Nancy Kwan or Miyoshi Umeki or Philip Ahn! Or even Sandra Oh (even though she's actually Canadian) or Lucy Liu or John Cho (no relation). No matter where this all takes me, I DO promise myself that I will achieve my goals - small ones first and then, I will weave bigger and better ones!
Like I said before....you just never know, right? Life DOES take some unique twists and turns, believe me! :)
Well, no matter what your ethnic background may be or where you are in life career-wise, I think it's important to celebrate your victories, no matter how small or how big they are! If you're new like me, celebrate the beginning of a new adventure! If you've been doing it for a long time, feel glad that you've done something in this lifetime that most people haven't done before. Be proud that you are where you are, because no matter how little or big your achievements are, past or present, you DO inspire others! You just don't know it! :)
Then again...these are just little things I need to remind myself every now and then, too! :) No worries!
Cristina
http://www.cristinacho.net/
TIME: 4:40 PM
 |
| Nancy Kwan in Flower Drum Song (1961) |
I am so glad that there is a month where my culture and my heritage is honored and celebrated, and I know it sounds mighty cheesey, but try looking at this from my point of view, not as a regular human being who walks the streets of New York City on a rainy day with her clear umbrella that she bought in the east village. Instead, trying looking at this from my point of view as a aspiring performer and a brand-new actor in the industry.
I am a Korean-American adoptee. I grew up in a small suburban town called Brick, New Jersey, and growing up, going to school, attending friends' birthday parties, being a girl scout, I was either one of the very few or the only minority in the group. I used to sit in front of the television and watch cartoons or listened to music coming from the record player or radio, where my love for the arts began. However, all my life, even when looking at some of my classmates, my family, and even watching my childhood shows, and even sometimes playing with my collection of Barbie dolls, I always felt out of place. I used to wonder where all the people who looked like me were? How come there isn't a single black-haired girl with dark brown almond-shaped eyes on television as the leading lady or a pop singer out there who looks like me (besides Yoko Ono -- as much as I admired her, I used to be disturbed by her voice when I was little)?
I had a couple of Asian Barbie dolls, like Dana from the Barbie and the Rockers line-up, and when I was at my rope's end of not seeing a lot of story books with Asian characters, I started my own about a Japanese girl named Sara. I was the author of those stories and I was also the illustrator to those little story books I wrote. It was really funny, too, because I remember telling my mom about the story and I said somewhere along the lines that Sara was the daughter of the president of Japan. Obviously, when you're like five or six, you don't realize that Japan is a monarchy and doesn't have a president or that English isn't the first langauge over there, either.
For me, Sara was MY Barbie doll; MY heroine; MY role model, and MY princess. She had everything a little girl could dream of: a big fancy house, cool clothes, attended fun parties. She also had lots of friends - her two best friends were a Chinese American and a Korean American. I even wrote a story about her sixteenth birthday party taking place in a roller skating rink where she and her friends took over the ENTIRE roller skating rink.
Now, looking back at that moment in my childhood now, I did it, because of the lack of Asians in the media. You know when you're a little girl, you want to find a princess or female role model to look up to and say, "Wow, if she can do it, then I can do it, too!" -- you know what I am talking about, right? Growing up, I never had that role model who looked like me, so in a way, I felt robbed from that sense of joy. However, ironically, despite the lack of Asian role models in my life, it never crossed my mind that I couldn't make something out of myself.
I always knew, growing up in a small suburb near the Jersey shore, that I WASN'T in that small-town frame of mind. I NEVER was. I didn't like the idea of going to college for a regular profession after high school graduation. I didn't care to get married or to have kids, and even as I approach the big 3-0 within a few months, I still don't have any aspirations of being married or having a family. It's not my personal cup of tea right now. I've always been fascinated by big cities: New York City, Los Angeles, Paris, London. I would look at the New York City skyline whenever we visited my aunt and uncle in Jersey City and wonder what that life would be like. I remember going out to LA back in 2003, I was so in love with the city, that when we went back to Jersey, I cried my eyes out as the plane lifted into the air from LAX. Yet most of all, I've always wanted to make something out of myself FIRST and FOREMOST.
 |
| Anna May Wong |
What an usual career I've chosen for that theory, right?! XD I know, I know....but then again, you just never know, right? Life does take some unique twists and turns, believe me! :)
In a small way, I am living that city life dream now! There's just one itty-bitty thing that hasn't made a full 180 yet, and that is the Asian role model. Then again, I feel really blessed now, because I am beginning to nurture my career aspirations during a time period where I am getting audition notices through email where they are asking for Asian actors. Now with it being Asian Pacific American Heritage Month, I would go on Twitter, do a tweet, and somewhere, another Asian actor would post an article about the Asian actors before myself who've opened the doors in Hollywood, from Anna May Wong (who has become my role model - finally, my search is over) to Nancy Kwan. And the cool thing about all this, as I learn something new about my career, I find that somewhere at one point in time, there WAS an Asian actor - male or female - who was opening that door for myself and my fellow Asians who are actors.
They were ALWAYS there, but I didn't know they were! Philip Ahn, who happens to be the first Asian actor to recieve a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Miyoshi Umeki, the first (and so far only) Asian actor to receieve an Oscar! And although I am not a huge fan of musicals, I was so amazed and so proud when I first watched Flower Drum Song, because a HUGE percentage of the cast were Asian! For me, personally, seeing these things brings me hope. Not because I am in this for stardom or fame or the glamour - oh, goodness NO! But because finally, after all these years, I can look at these guys and say, "Wow, if they can do it, then I can do it, too!"
I am not sure where this is all going to take me, and as my career moves on, I make little goals for myself instead of big ones. Right now, I am going over scenes with my coach and I'm trying to get the hang of writing a descent cover letter when submitting my headshot and resume. I am also learning to be better at auditioning. I am also no the most professional of the bunch, so I'm learning to do that, too. I've got a looooooong way to go, and I'm beginning to come to the realization that I'm not going to learn everything within a single year. Therefore, I have to be more patient and understand that this is a marathon and not a race. So, my goal, right now at this very moment, is to learn how to better myself in these things. I really don't have any huge goals, because I create them as I go along. I have ideas in my mind, but I can't say they are goals just yet, because first and foremost, I have to work harder with what I am trying to do right now. If I find that I can pull through what I am trying to do now, that is when I create a new objective for myself. That's the joy of being a beginner in this profession! And it really does help having good people who are willing to work with me with these goals on my side as well! :)
However, at the same time, when I look at the articles that talk about the Asian actors of the past and present for this month, it also makes me a little sad, too. Reason being is because despite the fact that I am happy where I am and that I am finding it fun being at the very beginning, I also feel that all of my hopes and dreams are so far away from me. Every once in a while, I am plagued with the fear of what if I don't become better at auditioning and I begin to bomb? What if I sound like a fool when writing these cover letters? What I don't become a better performer? Along with the fear of that, there is also the fear of what if I work my ass off and I get nowhere? What if I'm wasting my time?
 |
| Miyoshi Umeki and Pat Suzuki |
No matter what this profession may bring me, I still stay optimistic! That's another thing my storybook character, Sara, was, too. She was optimistic! She had fun no matter where she went, wherever she was in her life! Even when I wrote the story of her turning into a werewolf, she still had fun while knocking down neighbors' garbage cans in the middle of the night and eventually getting grounded for it! She was unique, and if I were to publish those stories later on in life, she'd stand out from all the other story book heroines in her own way. Sounds quite familiar to a little something having to do with our careers, doesn't it?
Things take time. You need to be patient, but you also need to be assertive. You have to understand so much being in this profession, and whoever is reading this, reguardless of your heritage, if you have the same fears as I do, I hope I can at least shine a little bit of light for you. I hope after you're done reading this, you can at least say, "Wow, if she can do it, then I can do it, too!"
I guess if I stay in this frame of mind, maybe someday...I will no longer feel my hopes and dreams are far so far away. Maybe next year, I will feel closer to those dreams of mine whenever they talk about Anna May Wong or Nancy Kwan or Miyoshi Umeki or Philip Ahn! Or even Sandra Oh (even though she's actually Canadian) or Lucy Liu or John Cho (no relation). No matter where this all takes me, I DO promise myself that I will achieve my goals - small ones first and then, I will weave bigger and better ones!
Like I said before....you just never know, right? Life DOES take some unique twists and turns, believe me! :)
Well, no matter what your ethnic background may be or where you are in life career-wise, I think it's important to celebrate your victories, no matter how small or how big they are! If you're new like me, celebrate the beginning of a new adventure! If you've been doing it for a long time, feel glad that you've done something in this lifetime that most people haven't done before. Be proud that you are where you are, because no matter how little or big your achievements are, past or present, you DO inspire others! You just don't know it! :)
Then again...these are just little things I need to remind myself every now and then, too! :) No worries!
Cristina
http://www.cristinacho.net/
