MIND CANDY 044: MY WEEKEND WITH KAFFNY

MUSIC: "Hate You" by 2ne1
TIME: 10:47 PM

Your's truly performing my Lisa Morrison monologue from COLLECTIVE STORIES by Donald Margulies for Audition Workshop/Monologue Presentation at the KOREAN AMERICAN FILM FESTIVAL NY.
Photo taken August 20th, 2011 Photographer unknown

This weekend was the THE BIG WEEKEND!  The weekend for my audition for THE KOREAN AMERICAN FILM FESTIVAL NY!  I am not going to go into huge ranting and raving detail about how it went, so instead, I am going to talk about it from my personal point of view. 

Well, actually, this past weekend was all about auditioning, because Friday, I had an unexpected audition on Beach Street for something totally different than KAFFNY.  Saturday morning was the day of the workshop before the actual audition.  They held a donation based workshop for the Korean actors who were auditioning the next day so they can present their monologues to the guest mentors, Natalie Kim and John Egan.  They also did this for anyone who was feeling nervous, so they can loosen up before their auditions, because this audition was for all types of actors of different levels from beginner to advanced.  I was really excited to present my Lisa Morrison monologue from "Collected Stories" to everyone, and John Egan gave me some great feedback on mine, which I appreciated a lot!  He gave me some adjustments in the beginning, but he knew I knew what I was doing or going for with this piece.  So, I didn't need too much where I had to be walked through it entirely.  Also, me being the brave lil soul I am, I volunteered to go first when we were split into smaller groups.  They were like, "Who's brave enough to go first?"

My hand shot up in the air with this big Chesire Cat smile on my face that stretched from one ear to the other.

This was the first time I was getting feedback for my work on a monologue from someone I don't work with professionally on a regular daily basis.  I actually started working on this monologue last year in September, so I had it down pretty good, but I still went over it with my coach throughout August.  But I am - as of now - the most comfortable with this monologue, because Lisa Morrison and I are very similar in personality (if you ever read "Collected Stories" by Donald Margulies), and from what I've been told, you are hired and you book roles based on your temperment.

What was cool about the workshop was watching the Korean actors who did their monologues in Korean language!  I had not a clue of what they were saying, because I'm not fluent in Korean, but I enjoyed listening to the native language.  I loved the accents, of course!  There were other actors there who did their monologues in English, so I wasn't alone in that department.

The next day was the big audition day, and believe it or not, when I was on my way to the city on the train, I started to cry a little bit.  I didn't cry, because I was sad, I was crying because I was happy!  I'm on the train, hoping not to smear my make-up, thinking, "I can't believe I am doing this!  I don't know what I did to deserve it!"

Also, the truth is, THIS is the reason WHY I came to New York City.  I came to persue my career in New York for two reasons:  1.)  I wasn't in LA and 2.) something in my gut told me I'd have a better chance at finding auditions in New York than finding them in my hometown and that I belonged to the NYC acting industry.  My hometown is mainly Caucasian, so unfortunately for me (or any other aspiring actor of color from Ocean County, NJ), the community theatre scene doesn't put on shows with characters of different ethnic backgrounds.  So, I got discouraged by the whole community theatre scene down here.  That's when I decided to persue it in the city.  Lucky for me, it just so happened that my gut was right! :)

Going back to my audition:   I was in a room in front of eighteen directors and casting directors!  Eighteen people, and here I am on a little stage doing my monologue with the lights beating down on me.  I didn't get any direction, but I was listening to the girl before me, they didn't give her direction, either, because there was such a time crunch with this audition.  I mean, these guys were spending the entire day auditioning a handful of Korean and Korean-American actors, so they had A LOT of people to see.  A lot of monologues to listen to.  However, at the end of my audition, I was greeted with a nice applause from the eighteen people I auditioned for and questions they randomly asked me.  One of them asked if I performed this role before, which I'm not sure was good or bad.  They would ask basic questions like, "What made you go into acting?" or "Where are you originally from?"  But I was felt really confident being up there that stage, and I had a great time!

Whatever happens after that, I don't know, but it was a great experience!  Would I do it again for the next set of auditions?  ABSOLUTELY!

The only awkward thing about the entire audition AND the workshop?  Getting applauded!  I'm serious - I'm not used to that!  I don't think I could ever get used to that.  I know, it's funny.  I'm fine doing everything else in front of people - monologues, scenes, improvisation.  I even answered the questions with confidence, too, because I've grown used to speaking in front of a group of people after a while from going on auditions and networking, but then, I get applauded by a group of smiling directors and CD's, I freeze right in my spot, become extremely nervous, and in my mind, I am thinking, "Oh my God, they're clapping for me!  What now?!"

After the auditions and seeing all of the Korean actors, they had an actors' mixer!  My favorite part of being an actor is the networking part (as everyone knows)!  I got to meet some of the directors, other Korean actors, whom I was so glad to meet, and I even got to connect with Dave Kim again, who was the one who emailed me an told me all about KAFFNY!  I did an audition for Dave back in late June, and I thought I bombed that audition. I guess I didn't bomb it that baddly after all, because it lead me to this!  I even - to the best of my ability - spread the word about both of my coaches!  I also got to connect with Erica Cho (no relation), who knew me from being mentioned by my business coach on Twitter, and two friends of mine on Facebook named Jennivere Lee and Sora Baek.

(PS:  This goes to show you -- be professional on the social networks, because you just never know who you might meet!)

I also noticed at the mixer that a lot of actors get so awkward when netowrking.  Some of them were comfortable, while others stood in corners, not knowing what to say or do, so me, being the enthusiastic networking actor I am, I pulled a few of the shy ones out of the corner and got them talking to whomever I can grab for them.  This is also why I am planning one of my up-coming blog entries about enjoying networking.  I can't stress that enough!

Overall, it was a really great experience!  I was glad to be apart of the auditions!  I have no expectations after that, but after a whole month of putting my heart and soul into this auditon....I'm not used to everything coming to a halt all of the sudden.  Now, I'm thinking of adding a fourth monologue to my pocket!

By the way:   I had only one goal that day...and that was to walk out of that audition HAPPY!  Guess what?  I achieved my goal that day! :)  I noticed something:  The more I go on these auditions, I come to realize what my goal REALLY is: to go in, give it my all, show them what I can and love to do, walk away KNOWING I did my best, and aspire to do better for the next one no matter what good amount of feedback I get!  This career is all about the journey, and what a delightful journey it has been so far!

Last, but not least: 

Thank you, again, for everyone's support on Twitter and on Facebook!  I really appreciate the best wishes!  AND big thank you to my coaches, Erin Cronican and Alan Gordon, for helping me prepare for this audition!

It only gets better after this, right? :)

Cristina
http://www.cristinacho.net/

MIND CANDY 043: ALL OF ME

MUSIC: "Just the Way You Are" by Bruno Mars
TIME: 8:47 AM

Life can take you by surprise.  In the beginning of my auditioning journey, I never imagined I'd get the number of auditions I've been getting.  I thought maybe an audition here and there, maybe, but only for maybe student films or small theatre projects.  Nothing big, nothing special.  But to my surprise, I wound up with five auditions between April and August of this year, and now, I am preparing for an audition for the KOREAN AMERICAN FILM FESTIVAL NEW YORK in two weeks! 

That is an audition that really took me by surprise!  And I remember asking both of my coaches, "What did I do?  What happened?"

Okay, the logical answer to that is simple:  I submitted my headshot and resume.  That's what happened.

But really what I mean to say is this:  "What makes me so special?", "Why do people want to see me?", "Why me?  What do I have to offer?  I don't get it!"

The interesting thing about going on these auditions is that little by little, I begin to discover what it is that I do have to offer; what it is that makes me unique, and when going to the auditions (if I book it), it's my job to show the director, producers, CD's, or whoever what it is that seperates me from every other Asian American female actor that they see before or after me. 

One thing I think that seperates me from a lot of female actors is that I fall into the category of playing darker roles.  I aim for the women who are vulerable, weak-willed, depressed.  That sort of thing.  The past couple of auditons - besides the Indonesian waitress - I played women with excess baggage.  Women who have been through traumatic issues like a horrific life in North Korea, a punk rock bar tender in the Lower East Side of New York City, and a girl who locks herself in an itty-bitty bathroom to cry, because lives in a loft with eight other people. 

Then, there are my monologues:  Amanda Blue from "A Feminine Ending" by Sarah Treem.  Lisa Morrison from "Collected Stories" by Donald Margulies.  Jennifer Marcus from "The Intelligent Design of Jenny Chow" by Rolin Jones.  It's really ironic how important choosing a monologue is in the end! 

Some female actors wouldn't want to play the girl who is afraid to stick up for herself or even afraid to step foot out of her own house or the girl who gives up on her hopes and dreams for a guy who is on the road to becoming a pop singing sensation.  But I do!  These are the roles I want to play, and to be honest, weak-willed women need a voice, too!  Maybe I can be that voice, but it's up to me to bring that to the table to auditions!

In real life, though, I don't consider myself a weak-willed person at all or a depressed figure or twisted in any way, shape, or form.  I have my demons and skeletons in the closet like almost every actor in New York City does, which works well for these dark roles.  I have moments where my mind drifts into a fantasy, which helps for emotional preparation.  I also have my nurturing side.  I have a sunny side where I giggle excessively like a little kid in a candy store.  I have my bitchy side, too, where I want to crack a whip and make people stand up and take notice when I enter the room.  But when it comes to vulnerability and weakness, that's a side not a lot of actors can do - male or female.  I think it's a side that a lot of actors are afraid to show...unless you're John Cazale (who is, btw, one of my favorite actors - one of the very few actors whom I look up to when it comes to performing).

My point is this:  As performers, our job is make our characters LIVE as humanly possible.  How else are we able to live?  By bringing all of to the able.  Our fears, sadness, joy, anger, etc.  (Okay, I will confess:  I am a very laid-back person, so, for me personally, it's really hard to conjure up my anger, especially since I have to do that for my Jenny monlogue.  Not saying I don't get mad, but I'm very silent about it.).

Now, if your'e studying Meisner like me, you know that you can recall past experiences, however you can also rely on the power of your imagination, which is why I love it so much! :)  You cannot censor yourself, which is something I've struggled with in the beginning of my studies.  But most of all:  You cannot watch yourself, either!

I think sometimes, as performers, we become really sensitive to a point where we worry too much about what others will think of us.  Men are afraid to cry.  Women are afraid to be submissive.  But we shouldn't let that get in the way of being good performers....or from learning to be good performers.  GREAT ones at that!

It takes A LOT of courage to be an actor (that I always knew), but it's not having the courage to go up on stage. It's having the courage to show the world who you really are deep down inside, and you can't worry about what other people are going to think about you.  If you're ambitious and determined, you can't.  First of all, acting is not for the faint of heart, and second, art is not safe.

But when it comes to me, I had to learn to lose my inhabitions.  Learn to understand my own humanity and accept my feelings, whether I liked them or not.  I guess you can say that I've fallen into the trap of wanting people to love me, and if I showed them my weaknesses, they wouldn't.  But after a while, you think, "Who cares?  Really, if I'm going to do this, I need to suck it up and just do it!"

There is an unfortunate time in the life of any ambitious young girl where she cares too much what other people think of her. Then, FORTUNATELY, something clicks, and then she says, "Fuck it!" and does what she feels is best for her reguardless of what others say or think of her! And once she gets into that frame of mind, all of her wishes and dreams come true!

Finally, now that I have gotten out of worrying about what others think, my studies in performing and the Meisner technique have improved.  It's a slow process and not something I'm going to achieve within a couple of months, but it's getting there!  So proud and happy!

There are days where I still feel underestimated and I wonder if I will ever conjure up anger so I can finally nail my Jenny monologue.  Maybe in time I will.

But at the end of the day, never underestimate the power of an ambitious young girl. No matter where she comes from, if she's outspoken or shy, in her 20's or 30's, or what color or size or height she may be, if she's ambitious, dedicated to her goals, believes in herself, and works hard for what she wants, do not doubt she will someday rule the world! :)

However, I'm not in this to someday rule the world.  I'm in this, because I love what it I do.  I need to do what I do!  I feel like I would die if I didn't do this!  I've learned a lot about life and different cultures because of this profession, and for someone who loves to learn, it's amazing!  I am hungry for knowledge!  That's why I am an actor.  That's why I am here to stay! :)


Be bold and great things will come to you." - Anonymous

Cristina
http://www.cristinacho.net/