MIND CANDY 044: MY WEEKEND WITH KAFFNY

MUSIC: "Hate You" by 2ne1
TIME: 10:47 PM

Your's truly performing my Lisa Morrison monologue from COLLECTIVE STORIES by Donald Margulies for Audition Workshop/Monologue Presentation at the KOREAN AMERICAN FILM FESTIVAL NY.
Photo taken August 20th, 2011 Photographer unknown

This weekend was the THE BIG WEEKEND!  The weekend for my audition for THE KOREAN AMERICAN FILM FESTIVAL NY!  I am not going to go into huge ranting and raving detail about how it went, so instead, I am going to talk about it from my personal point of view. 

Well, actually, this past weekend was all about auditioning, because Friday, I had an unexpected audition on Beach Street for something totally different than KAFFNY.  Saturday morning was the day of the workshop before the actual audition.  They held a donation based workshop for the Korean actors who were auditioning the next day so they can present their monologues to the guest mentors, Natalie Kim and John Egan.  They also did this for anyone who was feeling nervous, so they can loosen up before their auditions, because this audition was for all types of actors of different levels from beginner to advanced.  I was really excited to present my Lisa Morrison monologue from "Collected Stories" to everyone, and John Egan gave me some great feedback on mine, which I appreciated a lot!  He gave me some adjustments in the beginning, but he knew I knew what I was doing or going for with this piece.  So, I didn't need too much where I had to be walked through it entirely.  Also, me being the brave lil soul I am, I volunteered to go first when we were split into smaller groups.  They were like, "Who's brave enough to go first?"

My hand shot up in the air with this big Chesire Cat smile on my face that stretched from one ear to the other.

This was the first time I was getting feedback for my work on a monologue from someone I don't work with professionally on a regular daily basis.  I actually started working on this monologue last year in September, so I had it down pretty good, but I still went over it with my coach throughout August.  But I am - as of now - the most comfortable with this monologue, because Lisa Morrison and I are very similar in personality (if you ever read "Collected Stories" by Donald Margulies), and from what I've been told, you are hired and you book roles based on your temperment.

What was cool about the workshop was watching the Korean actors who did their monologues in Korean language!  I had not a clue of what they were saying, because I'm not fluent in Korean, but I enjoyed listening to the native language.  I loved the accents, of course!  There were other actors there who did their monologues in English, so I wasn't alone in that department.

The next day was the big audition day, and believe it or not, when I was on my way to the city on the train, I started to cry a little bit.  I didn't cry, because I was sad, I was crying because I was happy!  I'm on the train, hoping not to smear my make-up, thinking, "I can't believe I am doing this!  I don't know what I did to deserve it!"

Also, the truth is, THIS is the reason WHY I came to New York City.  I came to persue my career in New York for two reasons:  1.)  I wasn't in LA and 2.) something in my gut told me I'd have a better chance at finding auditions in New York than finding them in my hometown and that I belonged to the NYC acting industry.  My hometown is mainly Caucasian, so unfortunately for me (or any other aspiring actor of color from Ocean County, NJ), the community theatre scene doesn't put on shows with characters of different ethnic backgrounds.  So, I got discouraged by the whole community theatre scene down here.  That's when I decided to persue it in the city.  Lucky for me, it just so happened that my gut was right! :)

Going back to my audition:   I was in a room in front of eighteen directors and casting directors!  Eighteen people, and here I am on a little stage doing my monologue with the lights beating down on me.  I didn't get any direction, but I was listening to the girl before me, they didn't give her direction, either, because there was such a time crunch with this audition.  I mean, these guys were spending the entire day auditioning a handful of Korean and Korean-American actors, so they had A LOT of people to see.  A lot of monologues to listen to.  However, at the end of my audition, I was greeted with a nice applause from the eighteen people I auditioned for and questions they randomly asked me.  One of them asked if I performed this role before, which I'm not sure was good or bad.  They would ask basic questions like, "What made you go into acting?" or "Where are you originally from?"  But I was felt really confident being up there that stage, and I had a great time!

Whatever happens after that, I don't know, but it was a great experience!  Would I do it again for the next set of auditions?  ABSOLUTELY!

The only awkward thing about the entire audition AND the workshop?  Getting applauded!  I'm serious - I'm not used to that!  I don't think I could ever get used to that.  I know, it's funny.  I'm fine doing everything else in front of people - monologues, scenes, improvisation.  I even answered the questions with confidence, too, because I've grown used to speaking in front of a group of people after a while from going on auditions and networking, but then, I get applauded by a group of smiling directors and CD's, I freeze right in my spot, become extremely nervous, and in my mind, I am thinking, "Oh my God, they're clapping for me!  What now?!"

After the auditions and seeing all of the Korean actors, they had an actors' mixer!  My favorite part of being an actor is the networking part (as everyone knows)!  I got to meet some of the directors, other Korean actors, whom I was so glad to meet, and I even got to connect with Dave Kim again, who was the one who emailed me an told me all about KAFFNY!  I did an audition for Dave back in late June, and I thought I bombed that audition. I guess I didn't bomb it that baddly after all, because it lead me to this!  I even - to the best of my ability - spread the word about both of my coaches!  I also got to connect with Erica Cho (no relation), who knew me from being mentioned by my business coach on Twitter, and two friends of mine on Facebook named Jennivere Lee and Sora Baek.

(PS:  This goes to show you -- be professional on the social networks, because you just never know who you might meet!)

I also noticed at the mixer that a lot of actors get so awkward when netowrking.  Some of them were comfortable, while others stood in corners, not knowing what to say or do, so me, being the enthusiastic networking actor I am, I pulled a few of the shy ones out of the corner and got them talking to whomever I can grab for them.  This is also why I am planning one of my up-coming blog entries about enjoying networking.  I can't stress that enough!

Overall, it was a really great experience!  I was glad to be apart of the auditions!  I have no expectations after that, but after a whole month of putting my heart and soul into this auditon....I'm not used to everything coming to a halt all of the sudden.  Now, I'm thinking of adding a fourth monologue to my pocket!

By the way:   I had only one goal that day...and that was to walk out of that audition HAPPY!  Guess what?  I achieved my goal that day! :)  I noticed something:  The more I go on these auditions, I come to realize what my goal REALLY is: to go in, give it my all, show them what I can and love to do, walk away KNOWING I did my best, and aspire to do better for the next one no matter what good amount of feedback I get!  This career is all about the journey, and what a delightful journey it has been so far!

Last, but not least: 

Thank you, again, for everyone's support on Twitter and on Facebook!  I really appreciate the best wishes!  AND big thank you to my coaches, Erin Cronican and Alan Gordon, for helping me prepare for this audition!

It only gets better after this, right? :)

Cristina
http://www.cristinacho.net/

MIND CANDY 043: ALL OF ME

MUSIC: "Just the Way You Are" by Bruno Mars
TIME: 8:47 AM

Life can take you by surprise.  In the beginning of my auditioning journey, I never imagined I'd get the number of auditions I've been getting.  I thought maybe an audition here and there, maybe, but only for maybe student films or small theatre projects.  Nothing big, nothing special.  But to my surprise, I wound up with five auditions between April and August of this year, and now, I am preparing for an audition for the KOREAN AMERICAN FILM FESTIVAL NEW YORK in two weeks! 

That is an audition that really took me by surprise!  And I remember asking both of my coaches, "What did I do?  What happened?"

Okay, the logical answer to that is simple:  I submitted my headshot and resume.  That's what happened.

But really what I mean to say is this:  "What makes me so special?", "Why do people want to see me?", "Why me?  What do I have to offer?  I don't get it!"

The interesting thing about going on these auditions is that little by little, I begin to discover what it is that I do have to offer; what it is that makes me unique, and when going to the auditions (if I book it), it's my job to show the director, producers, CD's, or whoever what it is that seperates me from every other Asian American female actor that they see before or after me. 

One thing I think that seperates me from a lot of female actors is that I fall into the category of playing darker roles.  I aim for the women who are vulerable, weak-willed, depressed.  That sort of thing.  The past couple of auditons - besides the Indonesian waitress - I played women with excess baggage.  Women who have been through traumatic issues like a horrific life in North Korea, a punk rock bar tender in the Lower East Side of New York City, and a girl who locks herself in an itty-bitty bathroom to cry, because lives in a loft with eight other people. 

Then, there are my monologues:  Amanda Blue from "A Feminine Ending" by Sarah Treem.  Lisa Morrison from "Collected Stories" by Donald Margulies.  Jennifer Marcus from "The Intelligent Design of Jenny Chow" by Rolin Jones.  It's really ironic how important choosing a monologue is in the end! 

Some female actors wouldn't want to play the girl who is afraid to stick up for herself or even afraid to step foot out of her own house or the girl who gives up on her hopes and dreams for a guy who is on the road to becoming a pop singing sensation.  But I do!  These are the roles I want to play, and to be honest, weak-willed women need a voice, too!  Maybe I can be that voice, but it's up to me to bring that to the table to auditions!

In real life, though, I don't consider myself a weak-willed person at all or a depressed figure or twisted in any way, shape, or form.  I have my demons and skeletons in the closet like almost every actor in New York City does, which works well for these dark roles.  I have moments where my mind drifts into a fantasy, which helps for emotional preparation.  I also have my nurturing side.  I have a sunny side where I giggle excessively like a little kid in a candy store.  I have my bitchy side, too, where I want to crack a whip and make people stand up and take notice when I enter the room.  But when it comes to vulnerability and weakness, that's a side not a lot of actors can do - male or female.  I think it's a side that a lot of actors are afraid to show...unless you're John Cazale (who is, btw, one of my favorite actors - one of the very few actors whom I look up to when it comes to performing).

My point is this:  As performers, our job is make our characters LIVE as humanly possible.  How else are we able to live?  By bringing all of to the able.  Our fears, sadness, joy, anger, etc.  (Okay, I will confess:  I am a very laid-back person, so, for me personally, it's really hard to conjure up my anger, especially since I have to do that for my Jenny monlogue.  Not saying I don't get mad, but I'm very silent about it.).

Now, if your'e studying Meisner like me, you know that you can recall past experiences, however you can also rely on the power of your imagination, which is why I love it so much! :)  You cannot censor yourself, which is something I've struggled with in the beginning of my studies.  But most of all:  You cannot watch yourself, either!

I think sometimes, as performers, we become really sensitive to a point where we worry too much about what others will think of us.  Men are afraid to cry.  Women are afraid to be submissive.  But we shouldn't let that get in the way of being good performers....or from learning to be good performers.  GREAT ones at that!

It takes A LOT of courage to be an actor (that I always knew), but it's not having the courage to go up on stage. It's having the courage to show the world who you really are deep down inside, and you can't worry about what other people are going to think about you.  If you're ambitious and determined, you can't.  First of all, acting is not for the faint of heart, and second, art is not safe.

But when it comes to me, I had to learn to lose my inhabitions.  Learn to understand my own humanity and accept my feelings, whether I liked them or not.  I guess you can say that I've fallen into the trap of wanting people to love me, and if I showed them my weaknesses, they wouldn't.  But after a while, you think, "Who cares?  Really, if I'm going to do this, I need to suck it up and just do it!"

There is an unfortunate time in the life of any ambitious young girl where she cares too much what other people think of her. Then, FORTUNATELY, something clicks, and then she says, "Fuck it!" and does what she feels is best for her reguardless of what others say or think of her! And once she gets into that frame of mind, all of her wishes and dreams come true!

Finally, now that I have gotten out of worrying about what others think, my studies in performing and the Meisner technique have improved.  It's a slow process and not something I'm going to achieve within a couple of months, but it's getting there!  So proud and happy!

There are days where I still feel underestimated and I wonder if I will ever conjure up anger so I can finally nail my Jenny monologue.  Maybe in time I will.

But at the end of the day, never underestimate the power of an ambitious young girl. No matter where she comes from, if she's outspoken or shy, in her 20's or 30's, or what color or size or height she may be, if she's ambitious, dedicated to her goals, believes in herself, and works hard for what she wants, do not doubt she will someday rule the world! :)

However, I'm not in this to someday rule the world.  I'm in this, because I love what it I do.  I need to do what I do!  I feel like I would die if I didn't do this!  I've learned a lot about life and different cultures because of this profession, and for someone who loves to learn, it's amazing!  I am hungry for knowledge!  That's why I am an actor.  That's why I am here to stay! :)


Be bold and great things will come to you." - Anonymous

Cristina
http://www.cristinacho.net/

MIND CANDY 042: BEST. AUDITON. EVER! :D

MUSIC:  "All About Tonight" by Pixie Lott
TIME: 9:26 AM

I had THE BEST audition ever on Tuesday! :)

Now, don't get me wrong here:  I'm not in the mind frame of "Oh my goodness, this role is gonna be mine" or anything like that.  I'm just really glad I had a great audition!

I got this auditon from a colleague of mine named Brooke, who has a friend of her's who is film maker, and he was looking for Asian female actors for a part in his project.  Going into the importance of networking as an actor, Brooke remembers me from the NY Actors' TweetUp from April, and she messaged me about the part and her film maker pal through Facebook, and the discription of the role.  She's a Chinese-American girl who lives in a loft with eight other people.  She's really depressed, and the only time she has "alone time" where she can cry is when she is in the bathroom, pretending to do her "business".  When I read the character discription for this role, I knew immediately I wanted to auditon for it, and I already had the image of what this bathroom looked like in my mind.

Have you ever seen the toilet seat cover to the Rolling Stones album, Beggar's Banquet?  That's how I imagined what the bathroom looked like - or similar in that fashion, only the space is extremely small and stuffy.  Not a fun place to cry, isn't it?  Of course, I'm not going to imagine this girl crying in a bathroom that looks like these - click me.  If that were the case, I might as well picture this girl lighting some votive candles, pouring some fresh scented bubble bath, and hop into the jacuzzi tub and relax.  No need to be in a group therapy session for a moment like that, right?

I really liked this character and I liked the sides I was given to work on for my audition, so I had fun working on them!  I think this is the most fun I even had preparing for an audition, too!  I think that helps a lot when you're about to go to an adution, because before I go on one, the big question I always get from everybody, especially from non-actors, is:  "Are you nervous?"

I will admit, like everyone else who put themselves out there, I have gotten nervous at auditions, but lately, I haven't!  Well, the past few auditions I've been to I wasn't nervous.  As long as you go over your sides and really prepare yourself for your audition, there's really no need to be nervous!  As long as you're not in your head, then you REALLY don't have a reason to be nervous!  Even though I was off-book for this audition, I didn't think nor worry about the dialogue.  I just let it all flow out of me like it was nothing at all, and it made my job A LOT easier, too!

See, my issue is that I'm a total perfectionist, and I hate to screw up.  I have to get things right, and I have that "learn fast or die" frame of mind, which isn't good for...well, anyone really, especially if they want to learn to be really good at something.  When I immediately screw up on something, I stop myself and quickly try to fix it.  That is a NO-NO when auditioning or performing in theatre.  Being that way also gets you caught in your head, which I, or any other performer, isn't supposed to do and shouldn't do.  That also leads to the notion of "hoping" to have a good audition!  But my actng coach gave me some really important auditioning advice after we went over the sides during our last session:   "Unprepared actors hope.  Prepared actors don't."

And you know what?  That helped...A LOT! :)

My audition sides - or at least the ones I used
to prepare with.:)  They gave me new ones
during the actual audition without all the writing.

My business coach advised me to get myself an auditioning journal, where I can write down my auditioning experiences!  My last audition prior to the one I had on Tuesday for was so disappointing, because I stifled my impulses so much.  And I think I went in there expecting too much.  This one, I went in there expecting really nothing at all.  I didn't expect to see a camera.  I didn't expect to see a certain amount of people.  I just...went there and to try and recover from the blazing hot weather as a matter of fact! 

Ironically, the audition was at the same place where Erin Cronican hosts the Bite-Size business soirees!  And I saw one of her pamphlets there, and I tweeted it on Twitter.  I was thinking, "Oh wow, this is a good sign!"  So, I kind of used it as a good luck charm per say.  But the truth is, luck is created through working hard and preparing yourself for these auditions.  And I jotted that down in my journal, so from this moment on, auditions are going to be fun!  No pressure.  No obsessing over sides.  Just prepare and do my best!

And when I walked out, knowing I did my best, that's all that mattered to me.  If I get it, great. If not, who cares?  I rocked it! :)   AND this is the first audition I've had that I've gotten feedback and was given direction from the director!  THAT made me REALLY HAPPY! :)

The auditioning process will only get better from here on up! :) 

Also, that day, I got my birthday gift from myself to myself.  I actually returned to Improvisation/Meisner Technique class with Alan Gordon! :)  I am being told that I'm beginning to show improvment as a performer, which is great news!  So, with that being said, it's now time to develop some serious performance range, which I am looking forward to!  And the great thing about these auditions, it gives me a chance to perform, to exercise my acting skills in front of people who never met or heard of me before.  It gives me a chance to learn to walk on my own and take what I learn from my coaches.

I have a feeling, no matter where this career of mine takes me, it's going to be one interesting journey!  SOOOOO looking forward to it! :)










Cristina
http://www.cristinacho.net/

MIND CANDY 041: MAKE A WISH

MUSIC: "Moment 4 Life" by Nicki Minaj and Drake
TIME: 7:59 PM

Well, here it is!  It's JULY!  Summertime is here, and in one week, I will be THIRTY!  Yes, I am going to be starting a new decade and a whole new phase in life!  I know, most girls freak out once they turn 30, and believe me, it's unbelievable!  But I am actually excited about turning 30, because I feel like this is a chance for me to really reinvent myself.  I'm not talking about changing my career, but maybe really push myself out there.  You know?  Like really believe in myself!  I'm not saying I don't, but I have my days.  I think we all do no matter what position we are in when it comes to our careers.  One minute, we get all enthusiastic, and then next minute, we feel like giving up.  I have my days, I'm not going to lie.  Sometimes, I look at other actors who are new and wonder what they have that I don't that is helping them book auditions and roles.  However, that doesn't mean I'm going to throw the towel in.  As tough as this industry IS, there's somethng about it that keeps me here. 

Well, for one, I am at the beginning of the journey still!  I am beginning to learn how to hold myself in an audition and I am still learning how to perform.  Also, when it comes to writing the cover letters when submitting my headshot and resume, I am learning to find my confidence that way.  Learning how to be professional per say.  So, learning all of these things while doing what I do, that's what keeps me going....and yearning for more! 

But what makes all of this really cool is the support system I have been getting lately from friends and colleagues in this industry and outside of it.  Now, I'm not one who mixes my professional life with my personal life.  I keep my personal friends AND family far, far away from my career.  No, really I do!  Most of my friends and my family AREN'T the artsy types really, anyways, where art has been my passion since I was a little kid.  Like if I come home from an audition or from my classes, I don't talk to them about it.  It's just "hi" and "goodbye", and that's cool with me.  Some of my personal friends, though, are very supportive!  That I am very thankful for!  But the great thing about networking and connecting with other people in this industry who get it!  Who understand the struggle, the frustration, but the joy as well!

See, I may sound naive saying this, but I think there is a lot of joy in our careers!  If you connect with really genuine people, you do find that there is no greater feeling than having a strong support system.  The ones who pick you up when you feel down.  The ones who keep on cheering you on even when you feel like you don't have it in your anymore!  For me, that's what keeps me going!  It's a great feeling, and I am very thankful for that!  I also think there's more to the actors' life than a paycheck or the need to be recognized or the desire to be "discovered" or to be on top of the world.  I mean, those things DO sound nice, but really -- look at what we are doing!  We are in a world and an industry that NOT A LOT of people get to witness!  We are getting a taste of something unique! 

Believe me, whenever I am in New York, even just networking or just walking down the street, I am STILL in AWE like, "I can't believe I am here!" 

Being an actor is TOUGH and it's A LOT of hard work.  It requires a lot of work, because it's more than just being an entertainer.  Honestly, though, I enjoy the hard work behind it, and I'd actually be pretty bored if it was just all about being a good performer. I thank my lucky stars, my guardian angels, the Higher Being, or whoever that I am alive to experience every second of it!  Not a lot of people get to exerpience a life like this, so I think no matter where we are in life or in our careers, we should thankful, because even when we aren't happy with where we are, we get to wake up the next morning with the opprotunity to change it!  We can learn something new about the business and ourselves as a person.  In fact, every morning you wake up, you have the chance to go out and make your dreams come true.

Well, now that my life as a 20-something year old is coming to a close within a week, I find myself really wanting to want to reinvent myself!  I want to be more strongminded!  I want to be braver!  I want to be a better actor and keep on going with my training!  I want to be a smarter business girl!  I also want to be smarter in general!  I'm not going to be all these things if I give up, right?  Also, I would love to learn how to walk in stilettos!  Hey, you never know when that "skill" might come in handy!  Auditioning for the role of the femme fatale? :D

Okay, since it is my birthday coming up, I do confesss that I AM getting myself a really, really cool birthday present this year!  Not saying what it is, though, until afterwards!  But I am closing this blog saying this:   Wherever life takes me, I AM GOING TO MAKE THE NEXT TEN YEARS THE GREATEST YEARS OF MY LIFE!!!!!! :D

Cristina
http://www.cristinacho.net/